Cabbage Madness

Improvised Asian Slaw with Tofu

Braised in White Wine

(with butter garlic & black pepper)

The word "cabbage" has been spoken over a hundred times in my house today. I've spent a good portion of my day looking up cabbage recipes, photographing cabbage, eating cabbage, giggling about cabbage...

There were two large heads of it in my co-op produce share. Now, seeing that I am the only one in the household who will eat it; I figured that I had better get started. I am not adverse to eating it although I prefer a nice napa or purple variety. I grew up eating the standard 'green' sort which my mother would boil. (Not too terribly exciting!) Bless her heart but she tended to cook all of the life out of vegetables. (The overcooked asparagus still haunts me-I'm sure that it is served in Hell.)

My first thought was to make an Asian Slaw with tofu as I had most of the ingredients on hand already. I made a dressing with tamari, rice wine vinegar, mirin, toasted sesame oil, huy fong chili garlic sauce/paste (a close cousin to sriracha) fresh grated ginger, & a little brown sugar. It turned out to be really flavorful but there is SO much of it! It dawned on me as I was chopping that two heads yields a lot of cabbage!!!

I found quite a few recipes for cabbage rolls which look really good but require more attention than I am willing to give. There were also quite a few curried cabbage recipes which sound fabulous but it pains me to imagine what that particular pairing would do to one's digestive system! I found a lovely simple recipe for Roasted Cabbage with Balsamic Drizzle on Messybaker's blog-Covered In Flour on Wordpress. Although it may be a little heavy for summer in the desert I found myself drawn to several rich recipes involving cream, bread crumbs & cheese. It may be more prudent to go with Vegan Fat-Free Mexican Cabbage found on Happy Herbivore's blog on BlogHer. The name makes the dish seem rather Spartan but it looks quite wonderful-Black beans, corn, chilies, onion & spices.

Tonight I will dream of cabbage. One head down one to go!

Heaven help me.

The Horror!

Sleep Deprivation and the Joy of Beans

I rolled out of bed at 6 am this morning and have been on auto pilot ever since. It is now evening and I feel as though I've lived several days in the space between the alarm shocking me into a semi waking state and now. I am not a morning person at all-especially not on a Saturday... but I have to admit that it is lovely here in the desert early in day. (I had heard that this was true but seldom rouse myself early enough to enjoy the beauty.)

I picked up my co-op produce share at the unholy hour of 7 am. I managed-pre coffee-to find pleasant conversation with the others there as we assembled in a grassy park and filled our sacks and boxes with fruits and vegetables. The humor of the coconut at the bottom of my share basket was not lost on me at that early hour. I haven't cracked a fresh coconut since I was a little kid! I remember being sent happily out into the yard with a coconut, a hammer and a large nail! (The trust!!!) Ah the 1970's!

I found a recipe in the Fields of Greens cookbook for Salsa Roja which sounded perfect for my 'lot' of tomatoes which I can't bring myself to eat raw. I want to like fresh tomatoes-they sound really good especially all of the heirloom varieties but I just can't do it. I love them sauced, sun dried, or roasted in the oven with balsamic, olive oil, garlic & herbs. Made a trip over to Native Seeds Search to pick up some dried chilies and found great joy in perusing the shelves of whole & dried chilies, the numerous varieties of native beans, spices, mole powders and garden seeds. I gave in to my serious hand made soap addiction and carried my bar of prickly pear & aloe soap around with me like a treasure. Sometimes it is the smallest things that can make me feel complete... soap, native tepary beans, Hopi white cornmeal... I love that the cornmeal package informs that it was grown, dried and ground by Millie & Jeff Polewytewa of Kykotsmovi, AZ. The ancho chilies that I came home with are gorgeous! I gave them a quick roast in the oven and filled the whole house with a deep rich slightly smokey note. Is it wrong to be excited by produce, spices and baking supplies!?!

The Salsa Roja found its way onto a large plate of butter fried polenta, sauteed yellow crookneck squash and cotija cheese. (So much for the diet!!)

An Extraordinary Moment of Ordinariness

Just came in from dropping Zeke off at the radio station where he co-hosts a weekly show. It is warm tonight. A comfortable warm which makes me crave iced tea & star watching. This is a well deserved reprieve from the energy depleting heat of the day. The desert will bake in triple digit heat any day now... it is a fight to stay productive.

I traced my way back home from the radio station through darkened streets. (There are very few street lights in Tucson which is great regarding light pollution/but frustrating when you are trying to read street signs!)

The familiarity of 19th street-a stretch of road that leads me home; its deserted industial feel made a bit softer by the warm, ill-lighted stillness of the night.

Warehouses, watchdogs, train tracks, stray cats and discarded wooden pallets...

I could hear a train whistle unnervingly close by and just as I approached the tracks the crossing gate came down in front of me. I have a very vivid imagination and therefore rolled up the windows and secured the locks before settling back to watch the cars pass before me one by one by one in the dark.

I love the sound of trains in the distance but there is something exciting and unsettling about being close to one as it rattles past. Creaking and screeching metal-a creature from the past-each car marked with time and concealing not only cargo but also so many stories.

The graffiti covered cars passed like a film before me in the red flashing light and clanging of warning bells. After a few minutes a huge beast of a vehicle pulled up behind me and kept its headlights blasting into the cab of my little truck. Disturbed by the invading high beam brightness; I flipped my rear view mirror up and caught sight of a fireworks display going on right behind me; a carnival of rosettes exploding in sulphurous bouquets in the night sky.

Train, bells, lights & fireworks in the mirror...very strange indeed! An exquisite moment when elements of ordinariness converge to become delightful...memorable.

My Mother

Hi Mom... I feel such a profound need to reach out to you. I was hanging the laundry out to dry and I could hear Mariachi music & laughter nearby.

It's mother's day & I miss you.

I wonder, can you hear & see me? Are you among your angels? Did you find Atlantis? Did the currents of the Pacific Ocean carry your ashes to beautiful beaches far away? I still see roses floating on the deep grey waters of the San Francisco Bay. I've tried to remain positive & productive for the last 17 years but the truth of it is-I often feel lost and alone. I don't feel completely whole as a person without you in my life. I try not to feel resentment and envy towards those who have their mothers in their lives... but it is difficult sometimes. So many successes & failures I wish you were there for. So many discoveries & adventures I wish I could have shared with you. (You would have loved Oaxaca, Etsy, Tucson...) I've moved on from the life we lived together but something deep within me has never healed. There is an emptiness which I can't seem to fill... there is no substitution for you. What an incredibly deep bond we shared. We were tethered-for better or worse- and it has taken me a very long time to process the resentment I felt toward you for leaving me.

You have given to me valuable tools-CREATIVITY & BELIEF. You touched many in your life but doubted yourself so greatly.

I have also inherited from you a proclivity towards depression & self doubt. Familial cycles-Great Grandmother-Grandmother-Mother-Daughter? I told myself many years ago, when I was artistically exploring this passing of depression from one generation to the next, that the cycle would stop with me but it catches me by the heels sometimes. It was painful to watch you struggle with the harnessing and the bringing to fruition your great creative talent-I find myself following in your footsteps. I'll keep picking myself up and pushing myself along-this I promise.

It is selfish of me to wish you back-I have no idea what passing over really is/means. The process is a complete mystery to me.

I held your hand & coached you through your last physical breath on this plane of existence but, that was as far as we could travel together.

It's time to release the built up steam and take a fresh step forward. Time after time the pain forms within my heart like ice crystals and I have to remember to melt it away with the warmth of the memories that we made together.