Vive La Vie!

Visual Sketchbook-large Scale Installation Project

2010-07-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

Wild Indonesian Silk Cocoon Detail

A random creative spark over the weekend has ignited my need to resume work on one of my large scale installation projects. I have been sewing together Indonesian Silk Cocoons for the last few days like a mad woman-Balancing the fine line between Creative & Crazy!!!?! (A more specific rant about this particular art idea can be found in the recesses of this blog.) I find myself at the point in the project where the initial idea has solidified and now it is just a matter of work to bring the piece into being. Work, work...and more work! I often find myself in a meditative state while working creatively-I have adapted a really repetitive method-many small pieces brought together to make a whole of sorts. Luminous gold cocoons sewn together into small boxes-illuminated from within-I hope to fill a gallery space with them at some point.

(The idea is still evolving...)

I am in complete awe of these gorgeous wild silk cocoons-love working with them. New ideas are beginning to take root within me for future projects. I have decided to use the blog as a visual sketchbook of sorts to work out a few of the ideas that are keeping me up at night. I can't draw to save my life so I've been hunting for online images that illustrate my thoughts. This reminds me of the many hours I spent, in my teens, cutting pictures out of magazines for use in collages. (I apologize upfront to the owners of the images-I will do my best to play by the rules and include a link to the original sources that can be accessed by clicking the 'x' beneath the image.) The ideas are very loose at this point-there is much shifting and evolving.

I'm playing with the idea of creating several life sized (6' x 6' squared?) cocoon boxes using the same method of sewing together the individual cocoons to form the larger structure. Within each will be a small table & chair and a light source. The first life sized cocoon enclosed space will contain antique glass apothecary jars filled with different seeds and roots. (maybe soil.) A single sprout will grow from a pile of soil on the table-water & soil will stain the table and run off onto the floor. (perhaps an old worn threadbare persian run on the floor-cut to fit the space.) Baskets of roots and broken terra cotta pots...antique gardening tools? I see the space alive with white moths or small song birds. (Now, before PETA is sent out after me-this idea exists strictly in the realm of my imagination.)

More to come...

Rancho Gordo-Love at First Sight.

2010-07-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

Vaquero Beans

Mole Poblano

Yellow Eye Beans

Mexican/Latin Sampler

Salty Xoconostle Strips

Snowcap Beans

Rosa de Castilla Beans

Prickly Pear/Tunas

All Images found on the Rancho Gordo Website & Blog.

Bitter Melon for Bitter News

2010-06-27T16:42:00.001-07:00

Bitter Melon

I am a person who has been VERY lucky regarding good health. I have never been seriously ill. Like many, I suffer from allergies, am prone to colds and moan about the occasional ache or pain. I have been blessed and I am NOT a saint. I love sweets & breads, neglect to stretch & exercise regularly and prefer coffee to water.

My back surgery, a year & a half ago, has been my only experience with a major medical event in my life. Even before the fractured vertebra was diagnosed I just accepted that back pain was the norm, an inconvenience, and went on with my life. Before this I had never been hospitalized.

I have all of my organs.

I have 20/20 vision (last I checked.)

I have never had to have braces or a root canal.

I switched my primary care doctor recently because my former doctor ALWAYS seemed too hurried to bother with patients. You'd wait 45 min to an hour to see her and then she would shove a prescription at you and show you the door.

I discovered the WONDERFUL Cushing Street Family Practice hidden away in a 120 year old blue & yellow adobe building right here in my neighborhood. The family clinic is PA (Physician Assistant) owned & operated by two women who wanted to create a better medical practice.

After practicing in Arizona for more than 20 years, Ricci Silberman and Molly Wheelwright had a good idea what their ideal practice would look like. It just wasn't a vision shared by any of the physicians they'd worked for over the years...

"We both watched physician friends and colleagues and bosses burn out because of all the pressures from the business end and get more disillusioned and thus pressure us and themselves to see more patients to make the same amount of money," Wheelwright says. "We noticed these doctors were not treating their staffs as well as they might have. We noticed that their esthetics and offices could have been nicer."

"We started talking," says Silberman. "Wouldn't it be great to have our own practice? Wouldn't it be great to have a beautiful location? Wouldn't it be great to treat our staff well? Wouldn't it be great to have a good level of work versus family, so we don't get burned out?"

Silberman (on the left in the photo) and Wheelwright renovated the building and decorated it with attractive wood and tile, comfortable couches and work from local artists. There are no harsh fluorescent lights or bleak waiting areas or exam rooms..."

The practice draws a mix of Tucson professionals from downtown office buildings and underserved homeless, low-income and elderly patients from the nearby inner-city neighborhoods, and has also carved out a small niche treating transgender patients. It remains the only primary care practice in downtown Tucson.

"We take care of patients who some docs have been a little uncomfortable with," Wheelwright says. "We pride ourselves on being open. We really put our patients first. We treat them very well." (Original article by Stephen Cornell here.)

The office has the feel of an art gallery-When I first walked in-it felt like an extension of home. (Funny. So much of what we spend our time searching for far & wide is right under our noses all along!) Finally, a knowledgeable-progressive medical practitioner with a lovely bedside manner!

Routine physical-low blood pressure, heart sounds good, blood work great EXCEPT ...

PREDIABETES

My fasting blood glucose level has qualified me for borderline diabetes. The gravity of this diagnosis didn't fully hit me for a couple of days. Holy Sh*t!!!

How could this happen!?!

I know exactly how this came to be and it is difficult to admit. I've managed to align (perfectly) all of the right factors over the last year & a half to bring about this result.

1. The Inactivity of post surgery recovery has become the habit. I've had difficulty in reestablishing my active self. (Gone are my California hikes to the beach.)

2. Poverty which has resulted in subsisting on bagels, cheese sandwiches, pasta, potatoes and other cheap processed starchy foods. (No one forced my to pursue a career in the arts.)

[Add lines 1. & 2. to get Weight Gain. (APPLE shaped makes it sound so charming.)]

3. A family history of Diabetes-both sides I think.

What leaves me reeling is just how quickly this happened. I underwent every medical test and screening possible right before my surgery and was in perfect health! Luckily-this is just a very clear-loud-serious wake up call. I am so grateful to have found a doctor who pays attention to the red flags and has a very calming and encouraging way of working with patients. The extent to which I will have to make lifestyle changes is great. (Even though I have adopted pretty sensible eating habits recently-cooking almost all of what I eat from whole organic simple foods-So much will have to be modified.) After a good cry today which has partially cleared out the sudden sense of shock, fear, disappointment and frustration-I am ready to take this on with a positive attitude. The research has begun. Have spent a good part of the weekend exploring low glycemic recipes, herbs, super foods and supplements.

I sauteed a Bitter Melon (with garlic, soy and a little fermented black bean) tonight and it is truly HORRIBLE! (This was my first experiment with a blood glucose lowering meal.) I really don't think it is a flavor I can describe. Bitter is fine. I have no issue with bitter. The Bitter Melon actually smells really nice raw & uncut-slightly sour, green and fresh. Cooking seems to unleash its evil. This vegetable tastes slightly toxic. It has an almost poisonous aftertaste which is really disconcerting. If it helps lower my blood glucose level I WILL find a way to make it palatable! I will blanch the next one (I bought 2) as letting the slices sit in colander with salt for 15 min didn't produce a very desirable taste. I can't tell you how many times I have picked up one of these culinary marvels in an asian market out of curiosity.

It is not wise to mock the Bitter Melon.

(This I now know. Good that it is available in supplement form!)

And so, I reclaim my former glory!

(even if this means I will dine exclusively on Bitter Melon from this point on-who needs croissants!)

Projects for the Easily Entertained

2010-06-20T20:19:00.000-07:00

Fresh Coconut Macaroons

The coconut that I received in my Co-op basket has been rolling around my kitchen counter for about a month now. I was expecting to crack it open to find that my procrastination had ensured its demise. Not a bit rancid-the juice was sweet & restorative-what a shelf life! I tried to break through its armored surface with a hammer & a VERY sturdy knife inserted into a slight fissure in the shell. I fast realized that this endeavor would result in a trip to the Emergency Room or at the very least a broken kitchen knife! I couldn't help but applaud the tenacity of those first souls to discover that there was a fine edible flesh within such an impenetrable encasement! (Did we learn of this by watching the birds & monkeys?!?) I discovered that a quick bake in the oven does indeed make the process much easier at Epicurious. There is a link to print out a grocery list for the recipe which might not be so funny if the ingredients consisted of more than a:

Fresh Brown Coconut.

There was a great deal of paring & grating this afternoon-a true work out! I finished the project with very soft hands and a slight dusting of white flecks on my lap, (and the couch!) and some lovely macaroons!

A Certain Mood

2010-06-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

Photo Credits & Original Sources:

1. Blood Orange

2. Olaf Wipperfurth Photography

3. Paper Lanterns

4. Lychee Fruit

5. Pu-erh Tea

6. Papilio Ulysses Butterfly Wing

7. Paper Lanterns

8. Olaf Wipperfurth Photography

9. Candied Ginger

A Random June Night in My Kitchen

2010-06-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

Grapefruit Yogurt Cake

My Art blog is fast becoming a look what I made for dinner blog! I have been finding so much peace over the past few weeks in measuring, dicing, combining, stirring, sauteing, charring...

The science of the kitchen.

The various textures of fresh summer vegetables & herbs... the broiling Tucson heat, the view of the mulberry tree from the kitchen window, the acrid smell of onions, the spongy quality of eight ball zucchini, the heat and smokiness of various types of chilies and grapefruits straight from the grove.

As a starving artist I had been subsisting, mostly, on bread, pasta & processed cheese-so to have fresh ingredients in the house has been heaven.

There is something SO satisfying about cooking with simple ingredients. I love rustic galettes, big bubbling pots of beans, herbs & chilies and coarsely chopped vegetables-I love cooking Wabi Sabi style.

There is something strange about citrus at night (I've always associated it with morning/sunlight) but I couldn't resist the idea of fresh grapefruit cake as a finish to a LONG hot day...

Playdough for Grownups

2010-06-07T15:44:00.000-07:00

Green Onion Pancakes

with

Ginger Chili Dipping sauce

There was an ENORMOUS bunch of green onions in my CSA share this past week; a testament to 'Growth' despite our hostile desert environment! (actually, onions like it here don't they?) I'll happily sprinkle a few here & there but this glorious bunch called for something special. Found this easy step by step recipe (with pictures!) at MOMOFUKU for 2. There are SO many recipes out there for green onion pancakes! I chose one of the first recipes I came across which looked good and didn't require the purchase of any ingredients I didn't already have on hand. (Good recipe but the dough tends to dry out very quickly in my 80 degree/table fan cooled kitchen so a few minor adjustments will have to be made next time-maybe a little oil in the mix.)

Fun fun fun with dough! While needing, rolling and forming the dough into green onion filled coiled buns; I couldn't help but think of playdough. I've seen (and made) my share of this magical dough as I taught preschoolers for over four years. (A long, long time ago!)

Ah, playdough!!

A childhood next door neighbor (and partner in many an escapade!) and I got into a great deal of trouble for throwing a lump of homemade playdough with great force straight up onto the ceiling! We were pretty young so I can only surmise that we were testing the limits of our little universe with this experiment. The trouble, and reason we got caught, was that it was REALLY sticky and it didn't come back down! There it was s-l-o-w-l-y stretching down from its point of contact; suctioned onto the popcorn ceiling. Our giggling was abruptly silenced when we were discovered by parents-we gave ourselves away in the hilarity of it all! (But than again how could we have denied involvement if we hadn't gotten caught red handed? "Nope I didn't have any playdough... how on earth did it get up there?!!?") The logic of childhood!

Crooked Sky Farms-Promoting Kitchen Creativity (one share at a time)

2010-06-04T20:41:00.000-07:00

Sorrel

Gnocchi in a Sorrel Sauce

I've waited SO patiently for enough funds to start a CSA session and finally I was able to commit! It was explained that our first share was a little more scant than usual due to a difficult growing season but even so I was thrilled! (Grapefruit, Peaches-small but REALLY good, Green Onions, Red Onions, Dried I'itoi Onions, Sorrel, Wheat Berries, 3 types of Summer Squash & Red LaSoda potatoes.) The Sonoran Spring has been longer and cooler this year which is fine with me-I'll gladly wait a week or so for corn & cucumbers in exchange for cool weather!

I have fallen head over heels for the simple & lovely sorrel sauce found in Eric Pateman's The British Columbia Seasonal Cookbook. (recipe above.) The cream based sauce is actually really light-the fats are tempered nicely by the acidity of the sorrel. The lemony flavor of the sorrel was perfect on a warm evening. Made a few minor tweaks to the recipe-I used a tad bit more sorrel, cut the heavy cream with whole milk and added a couple of pinches of sea salt to the finished sauce before adding the gnocchi. (I also pan fried my gnocchi in a little butter to brown them-they are too squishy for my tastes if I don't!)

Red Onion

Red Onion, Feta, & Olive Tart

I prepared this quick & easy puff pastry 'tart' that I found on the BBC Good Food magazine site for lunch today. I caramelized my onions a little more-tasty but not as pretty as their finished tart! I used a light feta cheese & Moroccan cured black olives (to add a little more salt) and balance out the sweetness of the onions.

I feel really grateful for all of the time spent creating in the kitchen. I have been struggling with art materials-so not much has been actualized lately! Waxes and gelatin capsules behave VERY differently here in the desert than they do in the Bay Area!! My working process is slowly evolving to produce the desired results here in the dry heat. In the meantime I'll use a zucchini as my muse!

The Flavor of Calm

2010-06-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

Wilting in the Afternoon Heat

Fresh Mint Ice Cream

After enduring the first of many 100+ degree days here in the desert-I felt like we needed a simple lift of our spirits. My dust covered ice cream maker has been taking up space at the back of a cupboard for a VERY long time. Why I haven't pulled it out sooner is a mystery as this is the hottest most miserable clime I have ever set up home in. Sticky, half wilted and very cranky I have not yet resigned myself to the conflagration that is Summer in Tucson.

There has been much distress over the past few days-nights kept awake by money worries and mosquitos. The horror of oil drenched birds and the blatant neglect & demise of so many riches in the Gulf is weighing heavy on me. (this is another post altogether) I could write for hours about my feelings regarding this but I just need to take a moment to exhale.

Now, it seems a little convoluted to self medicate with ice cream in the face of so much misery but my spirit tends to get really heavy on occasion. I sometimes find myself sponging up all of the stress & emotions around me and have to remember to clear the whole cloudy mess out of my system and reground myself.

(I need a good tickle and ice cream.)

Actually, it was the need for a calming cooking project that brought the ice cream maker out from its darkened corner. I headed for the sanctuary of the refrigerated produce room at 17th street market and the familiar blended smell of various varieties of asian produce which always reminds me of living in Oakland. I remembered on the drive home just how soothing fresh peppermint is. The atrocious heat in the truck was made bearable by the release of the cool scent of green. Peppermint grew like mad in my garden in California so it seems a shame to purchase a bunch! I really need to start my herb garden-there is no excuse!

I found late afternoon peace in the rinsing and preparation of the leaves and the stirring of cream.

(This particular recipe turned out to be REALLY rich!!! Heavy cream & whole milk definitely tipped the scales of decadence! Next time sorbet!)

Cabbage Madness

2010-05-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Improvised Asian Slaw with Tofu

Braised in White Wine

(with butter garlic & black pepper)

The word "cabbage" has been spoken over a hundred times in my house today. I've spent a good portion of my day looking up cabbage recipes, photographing cabbage, eating cabbage, giggling about cabbage...

There were two large heads of it in my co-op produce share. Now, seeing that I am the only one in the household who will eat it; I figured that I had better get started. I am not adverse to eating it although I prefer a nice napa or purple variety. I grew up eating the standard 'green' sort which my mother would boil. (Not too terribly exciting!) Bless her heart but she tended to cook all of the life out of vegetables. (The overcooked asparagus still haunts me-I'm sure that it is served in Hell.)

My first thought was to make an Asian Slaw with tofu as I had most of the ingredients on hand already. I made a dressing with tamari, rice wine vinegar, mirin, toasted sesame oil, huy fong chili garlic sauce/paste (a close cousin to sriracha) fresh grated ginger, & a little brown sugar. It turned out to be really flavorful but there is SO much of it! It dawned on me as I was chopping that two heads yields a lot of cabbage!!!

I found quite a few recipes for cabbage rolls which look really good but require more attention than I am willing to give. There were also quite a few curried cabbage recipes which sound fabulous but it pains me to imagine what that particular pairing would do to one's digestive system! I found a lovely simple recipe for Roasted Cabbage with Balsamic Drizzle on Messybaker's blog-Covered In Flour on Wordpress. Although it may be a little heavy for summer in the desert I found myself drawn to several rich recipes involving cream, bread crumbs & cheese. It may be more prudent to go with Vegan Fat-Free Mexican Cabbage found on Happy Herbivore's blog on BlogHer. The name makes the dish seem rather Spartan but it looks quite wonderful-Black beans, corn, chilies, onion & spices.

Tonight I will dream of cabbage. One head down one to go!

Heaven help me.

The Horror!

Sleep Deprivation and the Joy of Beans

2010-05-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

I rolled out of bed at 6 am this morning and have been on auto pilot ever since. It is now evening and I feel as though I've lived several days in the space between the alarm shocking me into a semi waking state and now. I am not a morning person at all-especially not on a Saturday... but I have to admit that it is lovely here in the desert early in day. (I had heard that this was true but seldom rouse myself early enough to enjoy the beauty.)

I picked up my co-op produce share at the unholy hour of 7 am. I managed-pre coffee-to find pleasant conversation with the others there as we assembled in a grassy park and filled our sacks and boxes with fruits and vegetables. The humor of the coconut at the bottom of my share basket was not lost on me at that early hour. I haven't cracked a fresh coconut since I was a little kid! I remember being sent happily out into the yard with a coconut, a hammer and a large nail! (The trust!!!) Ah the 1970's!

I found a recipe in the Fields of Greens cookbook for Salsa Roja which sounded perfect for my 'lot' of tomatoes which I can't bring myself to eat raw. I want to like fresh tomatoes-they sound really good especially all of the heirloom varieties but I just can't do it. I love them sauced, sun dried, or roasted in the oven with balsamic, olive oil, garlic & herbs. Made a trip over to Native Seeds Search to pick up some dried chilies and found great joy in perusing the shelves of whole & dried chilies, the numerous varieties of native beans, spices, mole powders and garden seeds. I gave in to my serious hand made soap addiction and carried my bar of prickly pear & aloe soap around with me like a treasure. Sometimes it is the smallest things that can make me feel complete... soap, native tepary beans, Hopi white cornmeal... I love that the cornmeal package informs that it was grown, dried and ground by Millie & Jeff Polewytewa of Kykotsmovi, AZ. The ancho chilies that I came home with are gorgeous! I gave them a quick roast in the oven and filled the whole house with a deep rich slightly smokey note. Is it wrong to be excited by produce, spices and baking supplies!?!

The Salsa Roja found its way onto a large plate of butter fried polenta, sauteed yellow crookneck squash and cotija cheese. (So much for the diet!!)

An Extraordinary Moment of Ordinariness

2010-05-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

Just came in from dropping Zeke off at the radio station where he co-hosts a weekly show. It is warm tonight. A comfortable warm which makes me crave iced tea & star watching. This is a well deserved reprieve from the energy depleting heat of the day. The desert will bake in triple digit heat any day now... it is a fight to stay productive.

I traced my way back home from the radio station through darkened streets. (There are very few street lights in Tucson which is great regarding light pollution/but frustrating when you are trying to read street signs!)

The familiarity of 19th street-a stretch of road that leads me home; its deserted industial feel made a bit softer by the warm, ill-lighted stillness of the night.

Warehouses, watchdogs, train tracks, stray cats and discarded wooden pallets...

I could hear a train whistle unnervingly close by and just as I approached the tracks the crossing gate came down in front of me. I have a very vivid imagination and therefore rolled up the windows and secured the locks before settling back to watch the cars pass before me one by one by one in the dark.

I love the sound of trains in the distance but there is something exciting and unsettling about being close to one as it rattles past. Creaking and screeching metal-a creature from the past-each car marked with time and concealing not only cargo but also so many stories.

The graffiti covered cars passed like a film before me in the red flashing light and clanging of warning bells. After a few minutes a huge beast of a vehicle pulled up behind me and kept its headlights blasting into the cab of my little truck. Disturbed by the invading high beam brightness; I flipped my rear view mirror up and caught sight of a fireworks display going on right behind me; a carnival of rosettes exploding in sulphurous bouquets in the night sky.

Train, bells, lights & fireworks in the mirror...very strange indeed! An exquisite moment when elements of ordinariness converge to become delightful...memorable.

My Mother

2010-05-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

Hi Mom... I feel such a profound need to reach out to you. I was hanging the laundry out to dry and I could hear Mariachi music & laughter nearby.

It's mother's day & I miss you.

I wonder, can you hear & see me? Are you among your angels? Did you find Atlantis? Did the currents of the Pacific Ocean carry your ashes to beautiful beaches far away? I still see roses floating on the deep grey waters of the San Francisco Bay. I've tried to remain positive & productive for the last 17 years but the truth of it is-I often feel lost and alone. I don't feel completely whole as a person without you in my life. I try not to feel resentment and envy towards those who have their mothers in their lives... but it is difficult sometimes. So many successes & failures I wish you were there for. So many discoveries & adventures I wish I could have shared with you. (You would have loved Oaxaca, Etsy, Tucson...) I've moved on from the life we lived together but something deep within me has never healed. There is an emptiness which I can't seem to fill... there is no substitution for you. What an incredibly deep bond we shared. We were tethered-for better or worse- and it has taken me a very long time to process the resentment I felt toward you for leaving me.

You have given to me valuable tools-CREATIVITY & BELIEF. You touched many in your life but doubted yourself so greatly.

I have also inherited from you a proclivity towards depression & self doubt. Familial cycles-Great Grandmother-Grandmother-Mother-Daughter? I told myself many years ago, when I was artistically exploring this passing of depression from one generation to the next, that the cycle would stop with me but it catches me by the heels sometimes. It was painful to watch you struggle with the harnessing and the bringing to fruition your great creative talent-I find myself following in your footsteps. I'll keep picking myself up and pushing myself along-this I promise.

It is selfish of me to wish you back-I have no idea what passing over really is/means. The process is a complete mystery to me.

I held your hand & coached you through your last physical breath on this plane of existence but, that was as far as we could travel together.

It's time to release the built up steam and take a fresh step forward. Time after time the pain forms within my heart like ice crystals and I have to remember to melt it away with the warmth of the memories that we made together.

From Dove to Self Discovery

2010-04-13T17:16:00.000-07:00

For the last few days I have felt really aimless. The afternoons have been warm & sticky and filled with dust. (85 degrees is too hot for April!) The front door blew open yesterday and I found myself in a whirlwind of adobe dust & cat hair. I closed my eyes & mouth against the blast and secured the door. Carnage. The lint & debris of everyday life swirled up from crevices to be deposited again on the hard wood floors in grey tufts. So much to do... so much to clean... the dread of even hotter days to come. The house needs to be cleaned top to bottom. The kind of cleaning which requires a great deal of kneeling, scrubbing, lifting-the kind of cleaning which involves Q-tips! Phooey! Waiting for the cool of the evening to begin the process.

Made a trip to our wonderful neighborhood indoor farmer's/asian market to pick up a few broccoli crowns and came home to find a dove resting with its mate in the prickly pear tree at the end of the driveway. I was struck by how perfectly it was balancing on the top of a cactus pad. Nestled down; its downy belly pressed against the thin prickly edge of the pad. Doves are quite mysterious. It was perched like that for quite awhile so I decided to try to photograph the event. Anyone who has ever tried to photograph a dove at close proximity will understand just how sensitive an endeavor this is. By the time I had focused the camera it had arisen and was preparing to flutter off in a nervous fuss. I apologized profusely.

There I was out behind the house with a camera in my hands. Snapped a quick picture of the prickly pear tree; thinking I'd use it to illustrate my thoughts regarding the balancing dove.

A wonderfully familiar yet neglected feeling of creative introspection began to sweep over me. There was nothing new about the pictures I was taking. What hit me was that I was seeing; I was taking the time to admire the phenomena of new growth, budding, flowering. I pull in and out of the driveway several times every day and I hadn't noticed this happening. Too many distractions (excuses) Long day at work-can't wait to get my shoes off... need to get cat food-do I have enough gas to get to the store?!!? Etc.

I began to SEE the yard in a more thoughtful way. I'd forgotten that there is an old trunk, left to be taken by the elements, out in the common area behind the back yard. I bet it has a story to tell-didn't give in to my curiosity to see what was inside-just admired its weathered surface.

Took a closer look at my old 1920's typewriter; left to rust in my small enclosed back yard-sturdy, heavy and filling with leaves. Hmm... to type on leaves...

I love the beauty of weathered things but seeing the trunk & typewriter touched a more cerebral nerve within me. Seeing these things in such an unused state brought on a mid afternoon exercise in self analysis. I was reminded that life continues around a thing that is in a state of inactivity. The typewriter no longer clicks with the ideas of the writer. Instead, weeds wind through, bloom, seed then wither-spiders spin, shed then move on-leaves curl then begin to decompose. MADE ME THINK-hit a nerve. NEED to CREATE & ENGAGE. It is as simple as that.

On Gypsy Curses & Grilled Mangos

2010-03-29T13:35:00.000-07:00

Nothing more wonderful than having a completely new experience with something familiar. I've long thought that one can live on the same short block and still not have seen & experienced all that it has to offer in the course of an entire lifetime.

I revel in life's smaller pleasures-Just discovered Grilled Mangos with Raspberry Coulis at a local deli counter. These are the perfect marriage of fruit & fire...(mangos, lime juice, brown sugar & raspberries.) The pyromaniac in me has always approved of the charring, smoking and grilling of various vegetables & fruits but I somehow failed to consider the mango as a candidate for the grill! I love the smokey tartness on such a hot day-we have somehow skipped spring here in Tucson. While much of the country is digging out of the snow-we are at the mercy of the sun once again here in the desert.

Over the past few weeks I feel as though I have somersaulted several times and have come up in a completely different place in my life. Everything is familiar but slightly changed...

Have felt as though I am under the spell of an ancient gypsy curse this past week. Feel like a big bubble of inauspiciousness popped on my birthday. it has released it's greasy air in a vaporous cloud which clings to me. I blow it away and it's reappears around me. Have a cold that will not go, a flat tire, & check card fraud. It rained a cold drenching muddy torrent on my birthday-which I normally welcome (especially here in the desert!) but on this particular day I REALLY wanted to pitter around in the garden... very strange indeed as both the day before & the day after were lovely and spring like! Today I witnessed a rear end car crash right in front of me and when the system crashed at the post office while I was being assisted I felt oddly responsible! Almost funny but not quite; must find a four leafed clover...

Despite all of this I feel at peace!

As well as reconnecting with family members in California (which was LONG overdue!!!) I have also experienced the joy of connecting with my beautiful family in Zambia, Amsterdam & Boston. Can't even begin to express the pure excitement I'm experiencing in getting to know my beautiful step mother, 6 stepsisters & 2 stepbrothers. Life is something else! I feel completely giddy! I am learning to speak Bemba!

Life is beautiful, gypsy curse & all...

Inspiration!

2010-03-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

Kate MacDowell

Kate MccGwire

Cal Lane

Love these works! Inspires me to pick up where I've left off with my own Installation Projects!

On Sickness and Small Comforts

2010-03-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sick in Bed=Happy Cat

Haven't quite felt like myself this past week...A nasty cold has ravaged my household. Ever since the surgery I swear I have caught EVERY cold bug possible... soon I will petition Guinness World Records as the champion of most cold viruses ever endured. (or Guinness for several pints to numb my throbbing head!!!) I am an influenza trendsetter... first on the block every time... on to the next/the latest-before the masses catch on (or catch it!) Luckily, I have never been seriously ill. Pretty sturdy composition when it comes down to it. My body is still working on 'growing bone' from the bone grafts in my L5 vertebra-so I guess I'll cut it some slack! In writing that I realized that I never asked my surgeon where the bone material came from... do I really want to know?!!? (My imagination is now running away with itself!)

Haven't felt like making art... haven't felt like cooking...(or cleaning.) Just want to pull the covers up over my head... curl up within the cat incubated sheets and sleep the discomfort away. Follow the trail of kleenex... the sniffles and whimpers and you'll find me wrapped in a cocoon of blankets in the dark... nose blown red raw.

I usually awake to find one cat on each side of me. (Both cats on the same side ALWAYS results in a fracas.) I've got the drill down. Sometime in the wee morning hours I receive a visit from Ophelia who signals her desire to crawl beneath the covers by licking my forehead once AND/OR Lucciola (LuLu) who claws at the sheets until I lift them for entry. We settle back into sleep... warm, dreaming, whiskers twitching. A small comfort.

The Family Name

2010-03-09T16:27:00.001-08:00

Luker's Pub-Ireland

I am so excited to reconnect with family after several years...so much catching up to do! How did so much time pass so quickly!?! Found This Fabulous Pub in Shannonbridge County Offaly Ireland. The perfect place to meet for a family get together!!!

Reconnection & Letting go.

2010-03-04T19:35:00.000-08:00

I am reeling from the news that my Uncle passed away last Saturday.

It had been awhile since we last saw each other but I have always loved him. How did so much time pass so quickly? We are such a strong, stoic & enduring clan. Reconnection...

I will miss you very much Uncle Stan. Your sense of humor and your wide smile will always hold a place in my heart.

Hooray for Community Supported Agriculture!

2010-03-02T21:10:00.000-08:00

(lovely photos from Sleeping Frog Farms)

I had a Eureka! moment this week when I discovered Tucson Community Supported Agriculture.

Even though The CSA concept has been thriving since the 60's-70's; I somehow missed the memo! What a brilliant way to eat locally and organically in an economical way while supporting local enterprise & family run farms!

I love the idea of eating locally and have tried here and there to adopt a more conscious way of shopping-but have found it to be really difficult on an Artist's budget (Translation: Penniless.) and in the Desert. I love the various spices and prickly delicacies that the desert has to offer- The roasted chilies out here are the best I've ever had. Although, I learned that New Mexican green chilies are quite different from their bland Californian cousins. I grew up believing that GREEN=MILD. (The joke was on me!!!)

I am really looking forward to experimenting with Mesquite flour/meal.

Scraping The Skillet
mesquite flour pancakes

It was much easier to find local, organic, in season produce in California. (easier but not nescessiarly cheaper!) I do miss shopping the Ferry Plaza Farmer's Market in my more flush days! It was a bit of a Snob-O-Rama but the selection was/is? wonderful! Who wouldn't want to savor a brioche while perusing quail eggs! (The Bay Area must be taken, at times, with a grain of salt!!) The 'other' side of the tracks was no less bountiful-so many side of the road produce stands! Cherries, artichokes...right from the farm. (Still suffering from homesickness.)

I became so thrilled when I started researching a couple of the farms near Tucson which are offering CSA shares. I've been looking at Crooked Sky Farms & Sleeping Frog Farms. I would love to have a garden of my own; I miss digging in the dirt and tending to my plants. I worked for two different Nurseries in my youth and have spent many a happy day weeding & pruning. I really want to start a couple of raised bed gardens in my tiny back yard but it has become such a huge & insurmountable project that I'm fearing it may not get off the ground any time soon. Same story with the process of obtaining a plot in a community garden. The idea of becoming a CSA share holder is so perfect for me right now-I love the idea of receiving a box of fresh, organic, in season local produce (and goat's cheese) every week. (for about $20-30 a week.) What a great way to diversify my menu. It's got to be a much healthier way to eat-more variety & exposure to things I might not gravitate to in the store. Love that it forces a weekly exercise in creativity. Here is a turnip-how are you going to prepare it!!??! Just like the good ol' Art School days where I had weekly assignments which kept the creative muscles warmed up. I really love to cook but have fallen out of the habit. Can't wait to get this going-Have to wait until May! Phooey!

Who's your Farmer?

Farmer Frank Martin owner of Crooked Sky Farms

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T16:46:00.000-08:00

In pondering the Pre-Hallmark origins of St. Valentine's day I realized how little I actually know about its namesake...

The Origin of St. Valentine

(according to catholic.org -didn't want to link the actual sight as I am not religious...will spare you an essay of my beliefs at this time!)

"The origin of St. Valentine, and how many St. Valentines there were, remains a mystery. One opinion is that he was a Roman martyred for refusing to give up his Christian faith. Other historians hold that St. Valentine was a temple priest jailed for defiance during the reign of Claudius. Whoever he was, Valentine really existed because archaeologists have unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to Saint Valentine. In 496 AD Pope Gelasius marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom.

The first representation of Saint Valentine appeared in a The Nuremberg Chronicle, a great illustrated book printed in 1493. Alongside a woodcut portrait of him, text states that Valentinus was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius the Goth [Claudius II]. Since he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding any Christians who were being persecuted under Emperor Claudius in Rome, Valentinus was arrested and imprisoned. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus made a strategic error: he tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't do it, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate [circa 269]. Saints are not supposed to rest in peace; they're expected to keep busy: to perform miracles, to intercede. Being in jail or dead is no excuse for non-performance of the supernatural. One legend says, while awaiting his execution, Valentinus restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter. Another legend says, on the eve of his death, he penned a farewell note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine."St. Valentine was a Priest, martyred in 269 at Rome and was buried on the Flaminian Way. He is the Patron Saint of affianced couples, bee keepers, engaged couples, epilepsy, fainting, greetings, happy marriages, love, lovers, plague, travellers, young people. He is represented in pictures with birds and roses." (Epilepsy? Fainting?!? Plague?!? Might Hallmark be considered a plague!)

I have never been one for diamonds & hothouse red roses. (I much prefer sea glass & peonies. Maybe garnets & orchids on a decadent day.) The corruption & tragedy associated with the diamond trade has completely soured me to the lure of these mysteriously powerful gemstones.

"Diamond. The mere mention of the word fills the mind with a multitude of concepts and images. Diamond is a mineral, a natural crystalline substance, the transparent form of pure carbon. Diamond is something superb, the peerless 'king of gems' that glitters, dazzles, and symbolizes purity and strength. Diamond... for a commitment to never-ending love. Diamond is indomitable, the hardest surface known. Diamond is exotic, formed in the Earth's interior and shot to the surface by extraordinary volcanoes. A diamond is likely the oldest thing you will ever own, probably 3 billion years in age, fully two thirds the age of the Earth. Diamond is a strategic and high-tech supermaterial for our technological society..." (from the introduction to the exhibit (The Nature of Diamonds) which was held at The American Museum of Natural History in New York several years ago.)

I am fascinated by origin and symbolism behind the gemstones but just can't get my conscious around wearing them.

I am a complicated 'simple' girl. I am a sentimentalist through and through. I get frustrated with all of the adds on TV & in print around this time of year imploring us to purchase (or be deemed inadequate) jewelry, glass eyed bears, dozens of red roses and just too much red glittered-chocolate covered-heart shaped junk that will be soon forgotten. (Let me contradict myself here and say that chocolate covered IS appreciated-ANYTIME!) Of course, the original sentiment of the holiday has been hijacked by the consumer machine. I understand the "But it's a Hallmark Holiday" argument but do see Valentine's day as an opportunity to celebrate those we love with meaningful gestures. I also get the "But we should celebrate our loved ones EVERY day..." I suppose the hedonist in me is attracted to the idea of a specific holiday which celebrates endearment. I wish that it hadn't become so centered around spending loads of money. What has happened to our creativity? Hand made cards are lovely... mixed tapes say so much! (yes I grew up in the 1980's!) Artwork. Really, any significant memento that says "I was thinking about you love" in some simple way.

One of the most romantic 'gifts' that I have ever received was a beautiful pear! The sincerity of the friend that presented me with it really touched me. I have this long enduring daydream of receiving a rock as a surprise gift from some significant place that I've shared with my love. These are the things that move me!

I always think of Peter Weir's wonderful film Picnic at Hanging Rock on St. Valentine's day. I last saw it many years ago but its ethereal quality has stayed with me. The image of the forgotten Valentine's day cake-taken over by an army of ants-as the hot drowsy afternoon takes hold of the girls...

Ah, the mystery of love. The mystery of St. Valentine. Remembrance and pink frosting mustachioed grins.

Trouble in the Control Room

2010-01-20T17:39:00.000-08:00

I need to learn to leave well enough alone.

I have tried every font style, size and color (in every possible combination) in my quest for the right aesthetic for the blog. (I'm keeping this one simple, basic, utilitarian...this is a learning experience for me. No laughter please!) The problem is that I seem to change my mind regarding changes after I have hit the publish button. The more I tamper with my posts-the more computer glitches I seem to unleash from their hiding places deep within the crevices of the Blog Spot operating system.

I am certainly not computer savvy but, I can handle the basics. I'll admit that I am currently unable to really swank out my blog page for lack of know-how but please Blog Spot no more spontaneous font changes!

I am a Hold Out.

(I own a rotary phone form the 1940's-which has sadly been retired to the closet-as I was finding myself unable to navigate our automated world on it.)

Now that most of the previous posts are, at least, uniform in appearance I will try to resist the urge to meddle. The first two are a lost cause-I give up on trying to rectify the rogue fonts.

(Just a quick note from the flight deck.)

Knitting on Morphine

2010-01-19T21:04:00.000-08:00

I am in the process of adorning everyone within a 500 mile radius with a scarf. I sometimes scare myself as I am fast becoming a knit happy crazy cat lady. I see my Golden Years spent in a rocking chair on the porch surrounded by my 23 cats. (I presently have two.) My knitting needles will click together as I hum to myself. A length of scarf will begin on my lap and then travel out into the world; one row at a time. Down the steps, through the front gate and down the block it will grow until it is completely out of sight. As I rock slowly back and forth-knit, purl, knit, purl...I will speak to the birds. "Good morning Mr. Blue jay. Why, yes, it is a lovely day isn't it?!?"

I have found that knitting is perfect for feeling productive-even in front of the television set. (I'm guilty!) It's a very satisfying pastime which stills a restless mind. An instant antidote for aimlessness & boredom. In fact, that is one of the main reasons I felt compelled to try my hand at it. (And I like neck warmers.)

A couple of days after returning home from the hospital following major surgery I began to crawl the walls of my mind. I had just undergone a spinal fusion-my first, and I hope only, experience with hospitalization. I had a fabulous German roommate who had undergone knee surgery. It was BIG excitement in our room when one of us walked! We were a comfort to one another; mutually inspiring the necessary endurance to make it through. There was so much distraction at the hospital that the time actually passed really quickly...every 30 minutes someone was coming in to monitor something or another.

I had NEVER felt true helplessness before this experience. I fancy myself an incredibly independent person (to a fault sometimes) and I couldn't even turn over in bed without two nurses helping. It was such a strange limbo lying there unable to sleep...unable to reach for the magazine on the table behind me...unable to move at all without sending blinding pain through every cell in my body. It scared me...

Back home I found myself confined to my living room (mostly) without the ability to do anything other than sit in a pillow lined chair. I believe that I mentally cataloged each and every dust bunny and cobweb as I sat there. It was so much easier to cope while in the hospital-at least there I was removed from all of the daily things around me that I wanted or needed to do. I was too medicated to read...high as a kite around the clock. Percoset followed by Flexeril followed by MORHPINE. (Now, I'll admit to a little illicit dabbling in my youth but now I am a person who doesn't like to take an Advil tablet unless it's absolutely necessary.) I'm not sure what made me snap but, I beseeched my partner in crime to drive me to Joann Fabrics to buy an instructional knitting book and yarn. This was no simple feat as it involved the complete modification of my vehicle with pillows and a great deal of willpower. The long stretch between my chair in the living room and my awaiting freedom was made quite burdensome by the inconvenience of a walker on gravel. (Unfortunately, I didn't use my walker long enough to justify tricking it out with tassels and tennis balls on the legs.) We got me in and seat belted, secured the walker in the bed of the truck and set off-an unlicensed driver at the wheel. I believe that Zeke did his best to avoid the most jarring pot holes and take the smoothest turns-I don't remember the drive. I was in the grip of teeth clenching-star seeing pain. Thank you, My Dear, for braving Joann Fabrics with a delirious mess!

That is how it all started. My first scarf was scrapped of course...the drugs were better suited for the amazing dreams that they brought nightly...

Homesickness

2010-01-18T09:46:00.000-08:00

After reading back through the past few posts it has occurred to me just how homesick I am for California. (Well, I suppose I've known this for awhile now.) I've lived in Tucson for a few years and although I've settled in; it has always felt like a halfway point of sorts. I find myself lingering in limbo between the Bay Area (my beginning) and Rochester (my goal of attending The L. Jeffrey Selznick School of Film Preservation.) I'm trying not to let the past few years of doctors poking & prodding, Xrays, MRIs, pain, and hospitals taint my impression of Tucson. There really is so much here...I was sincerely excited when I first discovered this part of the desert. It is quite beautiful...especially just after a rain. If I can just get past the Heat & Dryness here I think I can make it a little longer. The Winter skin dehydration factor is in full effect. NOTHING seems to remedy this issue-not even the slathering on of various nut butters in their purest form...I'm just short of trying Lard.

I've settled into a very old neighborhood in the heart of Historic Tucson. There is such a sense of community here-so much flavor. The adobe row house that I call home was built in 1903 and the woman who resided here before us lived to be 100+ years old within these walls. I discovered that one of my coworkers, at my previous day job, was a great grandson of the man who built this house for his family! (so nice to be able to see old family photos!) I love everything about this little nest; with the exception of mice in the clothes closet

(I carried them WAY down the street in a towel & was fortunate that they did not return), the drafts in winter and annual indoor fire ant brigade. It has definitely been an adventure living in an old building; something is always ceasing to work properly! The neighborhood has certainly found a place in my heart...it is a fine collection of old families, artists and roadside shrines. El Tiradito-The Wishing Shrine is just around the corner. It is said to be "the only shrine in the United States dedicated to the soul of a sinner buried in unconsecrated ground." The soil around the shrine is dark from the oil of many, long since burned, candles. People visit to place paper wishes within slots in the stone & adobe walls or to leave various symbolic offerings. Even though I am not religious I have always been drawn to the beauty & mysticism of places that people find sacred. So much to see and experience right here in my own neighborhood!

The Historical Marker Database

Kitchen Windowsill

On Reducing Rubbish

2010-01-17T14:20:00.000-08:00

I'm not generally one for lists of New Year's resolutions-it seems to be the same list year after year for me. (I am painfully aware that I need to eat healthier, exercise more, keep in better contact with my family & save money) This year I have decided to focus on the smaller steps that add up to grand results. One major point of focus this year will be to create less mindless trash by switching to more reusable products. Now, mind you, I have a true disdain for preaching-just feel so tickled by a few wonderful products and ideas that I have found in my travels that I want to share. (Reviving Show & Tell one rant at a time.)

Oil Cloth Market Tote & Reusable Sandwich/Snack Bags

found on Etsy

RICKRACKQUEEN

Glass Nail File

no more wasted emery boards!

TerraDent Toothbrush

by ECODENT Premium Oral Care

A fabulous friend of mine Eva is creating fun jewelry & accessories made from recycled and upcycled materials. (Her Porn Star earrings are quite naughty but not too vulgar-they are made from recycled porn magazines.) She sells through MySpace RECYCLED BY EVA and also Etsy MINDLIKEWATER

I was so shocked when I first moved out to the desert by the lack of recycling. I called Las Cruces, New Mexico home for about 9 months (quite a shift from Oakland,CA!!!) My time there made me realize just how lucky I had been in the Bay Area to have so many green resources available to me. I realize that I am walking a very fine line here between crunchy and conscientious. (I'm afraid I must admit to a profound dislike of Birkenstocks-eew! Patchouli, & The Grateful Dead-sorry if I've offended!) Separating my plastics, the green from the brown glass and the newsprint (remember newsprint!?!) from the other papers had become such a routine part of my daily existence that I nearly panicked-that took years of training!

I spent my childhood in Marin County & San Francisco in the 1970's so I've definitely been involved in my share of earth centric activities. I've found that much of what I grew up assuming was normal (i.e being brought, by my mother, to a psychic on my eighteenth birthday to have my charts done...) will raise a mocking eyebrow in other parts of the country. I've been known to snicker & snub on occasion but I'm so grateful to have been exposed to so many diverse and sometimes unconventional things growing up.

I was really fortunate to have access to MANY wonderful natural areas in the Bay Area. The natural diversity of California has always awed me. One can travel less than 5 hours in any direction and see something totally different than other locations. (If the traveled direction happens to be West-a boat will be required!?!)

The ocean factored greatly into my childhood...salty afternoons picking up agates & shells with my mother-our feet sinking into the frozen surf soaked sand and foam. Sand flies would scatter as serpentine bull kelp was disturbed from it's half buried state. (Always reminded me of a sea monster of sorts with it's long smooth tail & bulbous head...But, I think every kid thought this...)

The many wooded areas close by also afforded me a great appreciation for the outdoors. There was always some natural excursion set up by the Parks & Recreation Department to keep the kids learning & out of trouble. (Mostly...)

I loved creek stomps through the woods-tennis shoes squishing as we explored single file the length of a winding waterway. The stiff cuffs of my wet 1970's cords, the sought after crawdad, the dreaded banana slug and the smell of wet bay leaves and damp. We played capture the flag in a park thick with redwood trees-this created GREAT opportunity to be stealthy. I never liked the cut throat elementary school P.E. experience-too many ways to expose every personal weakness (I was a dreamer) But, the capture the flag games have left such amazing memories...

Ah, the beauty of the Natural World! I could ramble on for hours...

There was a landfill in San Rafael, CA that I used to visit with my father. He was a general contractor so there was always something monumental to haul away-cracked drywall with its chalky interior exposed, an odd end of plumbing pipe oozing grey slime...(I can still smell that strange rotted matter-petroleum tinged odor unique to plumbing projects!) He would begin to back the truck up-slowly-as I would guide him with hand signals to stop just short of the perilous concrete drop off. We would then begin the process of sending the junk & yard debris plummeting from the bed of the Ford to meet its demise at the bottom of the pit. (I remember that glass xmas tree ornaments were kinda fun to throw in! Quite dramatic when they land! What is wrong with me?!? Good Lord!) I enjoyed perusing the treasures that the men at the dump would rescue from the bulldozer. I would wander through appliances-that with just a small tweak would continue to toast, wash or bake a cake. These were useful things, I assume, chucked in only to make room for a bigger shinier model...

Although, the trips to The Dump with my father have left fond memories-I see the larger picture now. It was the bonding (and the lollipop that the lady in the booth would give me) not the landfill that I will hold in my heart!

Unfortunately, I grew up with 'disposable' items/products as the norm in our household. I'm not sure when it was that we fully embraced this 'use it once' mentality-I suspect that it was sometime in the 1980's! I do remember a time, much earlier, when we would bring our various household necessities to a small crowded shop called Mr Fix It-I won't forget.

The bottom line is that I don't want my practices to contribute to the destruction of our natural resources. Step by little step-rewriting the script to better my existence.

Notes on Caffeine Overload & Wild Indonesian Silk Cocoons

2010-01-16T20:58:00.000-08:00

I've just polished off the remaining half of the bag of Indonesian Tea Candy that I discovered at Whole Foods Market. Just how much caffeine I have introduced into my system is unknown. I should have known, as a tea junkie, that I wouldn't be able to stop after one piece. I tried to put the bag away-Really-no I didn't.

Thoughts of Indonesia, caffeine & sugar...Just the right kick in the pants needed to get some work done on the other large scale installation project that I have in the works.

(Or at least write about it!)

I began working with silk cocoons a little over a year ago. Chrysalises and cocoons are so amazing to me & metamorphosis has been a theme that I never seem to tire of exploring. I have fallen madly in love with the golden cocoons of the Cricula Trifenestrata silk moth.

The honey to gold toned fibers have the most beautiful metallic sheen. Such a unique surface texture...I am the process of sewing trimmed cocoons into panels & then into cubes which will be illuminated from within. There is a white Bombyx Mori silk moth cocoon within each cube and the light source will be concealed within. The project is evolving as I go...I see the cubes filling an entire space-possibly stacked or grouped so the one can walk through the 5ft (at least) pilings or rows.

Required: Patience, thread and many many many cocoons.

The sustainability of this material is really important to me.

The moths have been the bane of Indonesian cashew farmers for years and now they are able to harvest the hatched cocoons for the growing indonesian silk industry.

Madness in Tangible Form

2010-01-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I suffer from OCD.

If I didn't give in to the mad activities that my imagination dictates would I run amuck in the streets?! My large scale installation projects generally take many months and even years to complete and I sincerely don't know when it was that I acquired the necessary patience to see them through.

The first capsule project that I had the good fortune to show (gelatin capsules filled with feathers) was over 5 ft in length and I see this piece even larger. I would like the current capsule panel to hang from ceiling to floor. (Maybe I'll finish this before I turn 100!!?!)

The gelatin capsule beading began over 10 years ago. (writing that figure just now was very sobering-all of a sudden I feel quite geriatric!) I am definitely a process oriented artist-endeavor first question later. This has made writing artist's statements a little burdensome..it would be so much easier to say "I have created this body of work simply because I am stark raving mad."

I have always loved the impermanence of natural & semi-natural materials...even if it means that a piece may not survive in it's original form...if is survives all. There is something truly amazing to me about the cyclical process of creation and destruction. I am fascinated by the changes that time and the elements have on objects.

Rust...weathering...dissolution.

I love the idea of creating something in collaboration with unpredictable natural forces. I see this most when I work with beeswax & resins...the outcome of a pour (usually onto a stretched canvas) is always a surprise of sorts-fluctuations in temperature, air movement in the room, impurities in the materials etc. So many variables contribute to the finished piece. I realize that the creative environment can be controlled to a certain degree...but I have always welcomed the uncertainty...I love the discovering...the happy accidents that lead to the next exploration. (not the accidents that result in the destruction of good clothing and pans...a lesson I have yet to learn-up there with don't pull a hangnail)

I've been working on a new series of small 5" x 7" whimsical canvases to keep me engaged while I plug away at the two large scale installation projects that are in the works...each canvas gets a coat of beeswax which I burn off slowly with a taper candle-working with the flame & smoke to create a surface texture...sometimes I repeat the process several times; building up layers of soot & wax. I'm hoping to post some collaged pieces soon on Etsy...
The pieces are currently naked and unfinished as I am
working out the the final protective resin/beeswax coating. Who needs to do the housework!??! There is too much fun to be had!

A Lump of Brown Clay

2010-01-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite photograph ever taken of me.

It is about the size of a postage stamp & is kept in a tiny art nouveau ring box.

A tiny window into the past...clay...a moment of creation...of purpose. (love that while art is involved one is not cautioned or reprimanded for kneeling on chairs!)

I was so lucky to have the most wonderful art teachers around me growing up...family members & educators...

This photograph was taken, I believe, by my late grandfather Richard. He instilled in me a great reverence for Leica still photography equipment & the desire to capture pieces of the world around me which had moved me in some small or grand way.

He was a photographer with a wonderful eye for the world...we didn't talk much about his past (and I regret this often...) but I have built up a sense of him through his photographs.

Family...Travel...these were important to him.

I didn't really understand as a young kid why one of the upstairs bedrooms at his house had black tarps blocking out all of the light...I just knew that this room was a special place...a place of quiet wondering where interesting things would happen...secret creative things that as a child I could only hope to one day be a part of.

There were strange & wonderful pieces of equipment...a light which when switched on would bathe the room in a dim red light...and framed photographs on the walls.

This was a sanctuary.

I studied photography in grade school...in high school...and then went on to earn a degree in both still photography & film from the San Francisco Art Institute.

I am completely enthralled by the process of photographing...from the seeing to actualization of a print. I don't fully understand the chemistry behind the art-never wanted to completely unveil the magic behind the silver particles.
Many solitary hours within the darkroom...happy times.
I miss the tactile quality of the development process...the vinegary smell of the fix...the waiting as the hands on the timer tick tick tick...the sound of liquid sloshing back & forth in the plastic trays.

When I grow up I want to incorporate my knowledge of film & photography into a career as a Film Archivist...but that is another story...

I had the great opportunity to travel for the first time to Oaxaca, Mexico in the mid nineties...it had always been a dream of mine as I have a great fascination & reverence for the Dia De Los Muertos traditions. A WONDERFUL experience...travel ALWAYS seems to open the right doorways. While there I met a local painter and was invited to join a group of artists at a ceramic studio in town...no one there spoke the same language (Spanish, English & Japanese!!!) but somehow through creativity we were able to communicate and share one of the most enjoyable & important afternoons I have ever had. At the time it was just the perfect way to spend an afternoon...we were seated within a partially covered courtyard...so I could feel the sun and listen to a cacophony of songbirds as we sat and worked with clay. I didn't realize until I returned home to San Francisco that this afternoon would reconnect me with my heart's deepest calling...

I had started to struggle with myself as a photographer...It was such a part of me but something was missing. I was (and still am) very drawn to multiple exposures-layers of images composed to express the deeper me...I am a constructor...a collector-a bit of this added to a bit of that....

I had a special lens attachment which created a grid within my viewfinder so that I could better line up different images for the final composition. I was viewing the world through a barrier...

When Gerardo handed me a large lump of brown clay in Oaxaca...something within me aligned...I hadn't touched clay since childhood. The feel of it...triggered my near atrophied need to create with my hands-in a much more organic way. I began to realize how much I had been fighting my tools as I tried to express myself...to develop my voice. I had never considered it an option to pursue a career as a fine artist. It was unpractical, uncertain & complete taboo in my family...

And so it began...my progress and stallings (not necessarily in that order) on a very difficult path...true to the very core of myself.

All it took was a lump of brown clay...

LIFE...A Work in Progress

2010-01-11T19:13:00.000-08:00

The time has come, once again, to forsake my comfort zone...

To leave the safety & stagnation of my little pocket of existence & reengage with the world in a much broader sense.

It is always amazing to me just how quickly one can fall asleep within one's own life. The daily routine becomes a day-a week-a year and so on.

I have always been a person of adventure...of escapade...and somehow or another I have become frozen. I am alive but not living...

I've given most of my attention to the diagnosis & treatment of a fractured vertebra over the last few years. (bodies can REALLY be a hassle!!?!) Now that I have been 'fixed' with titanium rods and screws I am finding myself beginning the slow prickly process of remembering my passions...silently smoldering deep within. The New Year has me feeling the annual need to reevaluate...

Up until a couple of years ago I had always kept a journal in book form (binder paper...napkins...) and as much as I love the tactile quality of pen on paper I have decided to send my thoughts out into the cyberspace unknown. (Oh, how I miss the fine art of Letter Writing. RIP Snail Mail...)

Within the confines of a bound journal my musings have always felt safe...private...I don't want to sacrifice my honesty or censor myself too much knowing that I am laying myself publicly bare. (so please bear with the occasional morose post!!)

Here we go...

Hold on tight...

(and Happy New Year!)